Hold on to your horses because this post is going to be a venting one.
Let me just clue everyone in on how Stephanie works. She doesn't like to ask for help. She doesn't like to disappoint. She laughs to hide tears. She tries to go with the flow. When she is upset don't give her a hug. She tries to be positive. She sees the good in everyone, and continuously gives them chances. Stay away from her during that time of month. She is stubborn.
It is ridiculous, but it is who I am.
I actually have surprised a few people when I tell them all of my worries. One of my friends said, "whoa Steph, I had no clue you had self esteem issues!" First off what girl doesn't? I just hide things well I guess. Why walk around worrying, and being so down. Life is to be lived. If you make mistakes then that's when you need to learn from them right?
This whole conversation is coming up because someone close to me said that, "I am TOO much Happy go Lucky" It kinda hit a nerve. I had a friend once said that, "I don't understand, because I have such a perfect life!" ugh..That made me really mad! People don't know that I sometimes cry. People don't know that I worry way too much. But these people don't know these things because I do it alone. My best friend left on a mission, and he was the one that I worried with and cried with. No one else.
Well, now that that is out. I want to change. I want to let people in. I want to ask for help. Crying is very healthy. I need to turn to the lord to answer question. This life is not meant to be handled by yourself. I just ask for people to be patient. I am a lot more sensitive then I look. I pretend to be tough. I'm not.
On a lighter note...
Some positive things about Stephanie..
She is caring, loving, funny, amazing eyes, cute smile, forgiving, she makes friends easily, fun, lights up a room, throws a killer party, random, spontaneous, and a whole lot more.
Thanks for letting me vent.
It's been great!!
Adios
3 comments:
Sorry I made you feel that way, (yes everyone, that jerk was her big sister) ... but if it made you realize you need others to help you it was well worth it. I am just like you. But I have changed a little. I have a select group of friends that I can turn to with my problems. You need more than one person that will do that for you or you'll go nuts. We are like that because Dad is like that. That doesn't make it healthy. But I am sorry that I hurt you.
I'll always be patient with you ... just remember to be patient with me too. Sometimes I like to go all Big Sister on people (ask Spencer).
Take is from someone who is been there. If you don't let more people in you'll crash. I've been the happy go lucky person. It's great for others but not necessarily for you! You are amazing Steph! Hold your head up high.
I don't know if you'll see this -- but I noticed ..... have you felt that you "fake your happy" for awhile? I bet you haven't since you met your current "beau" .... I'm glad you are TRULY happy. I still feel bad that I made you feel that way though!!
Post a Comment