The Quiet, Awkward, Shy Boy.

I think about him ALL the time.
You can say something, and it will instantly make me think of Jeron.
So, i have decided why not blog stories about our times together? I don't ever want to forget them.. so when i think of them i will write them :)
The Day we Met..
I was down at Snow College. Justine and i had just met quite a few new boys. I was trying to impress them all.. hee hee. I was sitting in Tyler Brown's room. We were waiting for Justine and a few other people to get back to Castilleja Hall so we could go outside and play soccer.
As we were talking out walks this extremely skinny, tall awkward kid holding a bunch of Bike parts. Our conversation went like this.
Steph: oh, you must be Tyler's roommate?
Jeron: yep
Steph: So, whats your name?
Jeron: Jeron
Steph: oh, nice! I am Stephanie.
Jeron: (nothing)
Steph: so, where are you from?
Jeron: Cedar Hills
Steph: Where is that?
Jeron: do you know where Alpine is?
Steph: uh... sorta
Jeron: close to that
Steph: oh sweet! What are you doing with all of that bike stuff?

Jeron: i am fixing up my bike.

Steph: so you like bikes?

Jeron: yes

Steph: (running out of things to ask him) well, you should come and play soccer with us in a bit

Jeron: maybe (goes back into room)

Steph: (thinking to myself) He was strange.

Okay my first thoughts.. check him off of the list.. he is too skinny, too shy and has acne.. (shallow?)

I love that Jeron is shy and awkward. It makes me laugh. I make him outgoing and he keeps me active. We were constantly swimming, or hiking, or going on an adventure. He is still super skinny, but i love his broud shoulders. (is it bad that i am happy to hear he is gaining wait in Texas?) His acne..has gotten better..but strangely that is not even an issue as i got to know him. Jeron makes me laugh everyday. I love my dorky missionary!

At least we are both dorky!

***WARNING***

I just might have a mental break down at any point!!!!!
I feel it coming!
I am going to explode!!
I have WAYYYYY too many decisions to make and life changes that it is becoming overwhelming!!!
so here i am... going to vent... on Christmas Eve!!!

Problem #1: the one and only person that can truely comfort me is a few states away and won't be back for quite some time!! Yet, at the same time i have NO IDEA if he is "the one." I love the kid, he is my best friend, but i am questioning it? is it bad, or am i just craving a cuddle? He is truely the only person i tell everything right away (my sister, it takes some build up before i blurt things out) He is my Best friend! I love him i do.. is it enought tho? writing this makes me want him more!! i want to scream! who ever said it gets easier is lying to me!!! (becca) it is getting harder!!

Problem #2: Satan is after me!!! I am pretty sure he is trying EVERYTHING to get me to be unhappy! (sometimes succeeding) Back in high school i found that i had little to none temptations. I guess this is when i need to turn to Christ. I have never had to. This is a trial i have never really experienced before. SATAN STOP PICKING ON ME!!! I HATE YOU!!! (stick my finger at him... i will swith the finger to the tongue)

Problem #3: it is crazy to have people surround you and still fill alone!! (dang you jeron for leaving) I always put a front up that i am so strong, and happy. Now, i see myself buckling!! I have learned that crying helps a lot!! I just fill like i am on my own. i know this is my fault. I NEVER ask people for help. like i said i think i am strong and to be honest very proudful. I don't like to admit when i am wrong. I used to be REALLY outgoing. i had plans to hangout with friends ALL the time. I never fill like going out. I go to my sisters every now and again.. and that is it... people invite me, but for some reason i find excuses to not show up.

Problem #4: Self confidence is getting lower.. I AM ALMOST TWENTY SHOULDN"T I BE HAPPY WITH WHO I AM!!!!!  I constantly wish that i was back to my basketball body. I look back and think "oh man i had it soo good" my clothes aren't fitting, i don't fill cute in any of my clothes. These filling make me want to eat.. and eat bad.. like the dollar menu at mcdonalds! that is my comfort food (which makes you feel like crap in the morning)

Well, with these problems i have found a hopefully pretty good solutions..! But Problem #5: i have little to none motivation. I really don't mind school, probably explains my two c minus's. I know that i need to raise my grade point average so that i can get into the education program at USU. Also, i sit and say.. read your scriptures.. but i just turn my head and go on facebook or fall asleep. I tell myself to pay tithing and i also think "well i can start next time" ( SATAN I HATE YOU... A WHOLE BUNCH))

so back to solving the issues...

Solution #1: I am going to continue writing Jeron. I fill like i could be the happiest girl in the world if i am patient. I am going to talk to guys, flirt, go on dates, have fun, and see where it takes me. Who knows? Patience is what i need to learn. I am very much if i don't benifit from it instantly then what is the point? If my friends take a long time to come pick me up... i get impatient! so Patience... Solution #1

Solution #2: get my patriarchal blessing! it is a guidline and obviously i need it!!

Solution#3: Start finding safety in my Heavenly Father and in the Scriptures. I know the peace that comes frome reading them i just need to become less lazy and just do it!!! my scriptures are right by my bedside it isn't that hard to read ten minutes a day. So be done with Laziness.. Solution #3

Solution #4 ties into Solution #3: get out and change my body. If i don't enjoy it then... CHANGE IT!! stop sitting and wishing it would go away THAT ISN"T HOW FAT WORKS!!! I am planning on getting a membership at Anytime Fitness. it is just down the street, and probably could walk there in the summertime! My new year's resolution : Go a year without fast food, and no Soda. Stress makes me eat... Working out manages stress less stress=less eating (hopefully)

Solution #5: this one is hard... i am BUSY!!! so so so so busy!! i jsut don't feel like hanging out at the end of work or school. Perhaps, i will try harder to get out. once i get my patriarchal blessing, and if i don't get a calling, i am going to single ward hop until i find one i like. ( i don't like single wards)

*** WARNING***
much of these filling are very much out of porportion because i expect aunt flo at anytime!!
Sorry to anyone i glare at, yell at, or even hit. I truely don't mean it!
thank you blog of mine for letting me vent!! i am so postive all the time that it feels good to be negative!!
i am going to go clean my room.. ITS CHRISTMAS IN THE MORN'!!!
~goodnight!

ONE!

Well, they asked for a current picture.. and it doesn't get more current then this!!! THis is me right at this second!! ha ha i look awesome!! silly/fake smile there oh well enjoy :)

So 15 random facts...
- I have two part time jobs and am a full time student!
-I have one sister and four brothers
- I hate loud eaters!
- i wish i was more organized!
-I love to paint and draw!
- I love the sport basketball!! GOOO JAZZ!!!
- I find the rivalry between the Utes and BYU annoying!
-My birthday is in April!
- My room is always a mess!! Even if i clean it.. with in hours it is messy again!
- i currently have a cold and do not like it!!
-I hope to one day be either a high school or elementry school teacher.
-i should be in bed right now!! it is late!
-I have an incredible fear of spiders and hieghts
-I love to go camping and sit by the campfire :)
-I love the summer time and getting really really tan!

ha ha well i am off to bed! goodnight!

THE CHALLENGE!!

I was reading one of my friends blog... and like me she also doesn't update as much as i do.. i am probably worst so.. thank you Kristen! i am going to accept and succeed at this challenge! So For the next 30 days i will be doing this list :)

1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself


2- the meaning behind your blog name

3- a picture of you and your friends

4- a habit that you wish you did not have

5- a picture of somewhere you've been to

6- favorite super hero and why

7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

8- short term goals for this month and why

9- something you're proud of in the past few days

10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

11- your favorite book

12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one

13- your favorite quote and why

14- a picture of you and your family

15- put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

16- a childhood picture

17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

18- plans/dreams/goals you have

19- nicknames you have and why you have them

20- 10 reasons you fell in love

21- a picture of something that makes you happy

22- something unique about you

23- something you crave for a lot

24- a letter to your parents

25- what I would find in your bag

26- people who have passed on that meant a lot to you

27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge

28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?

29- in this past month, what have you learned

30- your favorite song